Two Skies to One

As evening draws near and I get a glimpse of the first stars that appear, I think of you. I think of the long nights spent dancing and playing by the warming glow of the fires we built on top of our special home of Emerald. How captivated we were by the flames on earth and the diamonds in the sky, flickering, glistening and falling. Falling into wonderland, melting into one another. The evenings turning into a melting pot of loving energy where we shared the intoxicating magic of play and creation. As we looked up at the stars we saw the same stars that had been admired for centuries upon centuries, the same stars where mythical stories of creation, love and loss were shared and passed down. Now as I look up and see the same stars that we saw all those moons ago I feel evermore distant from you. Distance created from knowing that we no longer share the same sky, when I see the endless stars and the moon above, you feel the warming embrace of the sun on your skin. You have left this sun behind for another, living in parallel, out of sync with one another. I try not to let this notion drown my spirits for deep in my heart and in my soul I know that this moment out of sync will not last forever because two souls as intertwined as ours are destined to meet once more. Return to one another the same way two magnets pull each other close until they snap together and become one. You are my family, my tribe, the one person I feel free of labels, roles, and expectation. You are the gift, the sweetest four words you used to set me free. It is with these four words I understood what it meant to have layers of restrictive expectations set by myself and others, and how it felt to free myself from them. Like unveiling a masterpiece or clearing a surface’s build up of mould. Satisfying to receive a new sense of clarity, unobstructed by a thin layer of film. In this moment I became the masterpiece, my essence, my existence became the main event. No longer did I feel this weight to be anything more than who I was. Now surrounded by wonderers of who I am or what I do, I feel myself battle with the same build up of mould jading my view of myself. Again thinking that I should be something more than myself, that I should be working towards something else to prove my value and worth. Show people my importance by my doing rather than my being. I can assure you that I consciously make an effort to stay up to date with my cleaning routines scrubbing any mould that may begin to grow, although no one is perfect and sometimes I allow the mould to build up and manifest into an egoic desire for more. In these grabs for more, riding the high of perceived productivity I occasionally remember the art of play, doing without a goal in mind, doing to explore. Experimentation, a potion making guide for creativity. I think about how radical self expression is the applied art of play and I wonder when I slowed down or stopped my practice of the art. When did I begin to filter myself? When did I become apologetic for being uniquely me? I know it is a biologically normal behaviour to want to feel the same, similar and uniform to your community, however since returning to this densely packed hub of exchanging energies I had imagined myself to be a lighthouse, a beacon of something different shining light on the darkness and the ordinary. I have moulded instead of being the mould or mouldless. It is concerning to me to see how easy it is to slip into unconscious, unknowingly. Running on background software instead of actively computing the world, how seamless the switch is to low power mode. When I notice the switch I think of you and the words you gifted me. I think of the big picture, I look outside of myself and who I have constructed as the vision of what I ought to be. I am the gift, I am enough, I bring something special that is unique to me. A gentle and calming woo girl energy, a complimentary light, a warming hug, a fresh set of linen sheets perfectly made, bins already taken out, water glass refilled energy. You called this energy Navija. No matter what it is I decide to do as long as I stay true to my inner energy, anything and everything I do will be perfectly me. So as my night sky turns to day and your sky becomes dazzled by the stars of night, I hope you think of me as I do you. I hope wherever you may be my energy and my words once spoken brings light to your life as yours do mine, and I hope like me you wish on every star that soon we will be reunited under the same skies above.